You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
