Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
