Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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