I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
