Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So here I am, sexting at work.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
