Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
