you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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