If i come over, it means nothing
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
