just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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