i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
