if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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