just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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