when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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