don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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