I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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