Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
