I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
