If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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