what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
