just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
