You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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