I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
