I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
