Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You are a genius and a whore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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