I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
