you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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