May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
