his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
