so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
