those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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