dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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