Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
