Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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