I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
