After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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