just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
