You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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