I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
