Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize
