You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
