That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
