i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
