Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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