I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
