I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
