Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
