just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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