He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
