Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
