so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
