we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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